Please note, this is not a serious article. Nothing in this article is intended to be taken seriously, unless of course these rumours do come true. In that case I am a prophet and should be held in the same high regard that Emma Quayle is as a draft guru. This article contains spoilers so do not read this article if you wish to watch the draft tomorrow night spoiler free.

1. Somebody with a more ridiculous name than Kolodjashnij will get drafted. Orazio Fantasia is the leading contender for this award but faces competition from Sam Heavyside, Michael Apeness and Kory Beard who also have humourous names.

2. Essendon believe the player they were originally after will still be there at pick 26. The Bombers will be very pleased with their mid second round selection, and will pump him up like he is the second coming of James Hird, even though they could have had someone like a Ben Lennon had they decided to play fairly and not invite certain people into their football club. Expect a parade at Windy Hill and their first selection to be given first crack at the showers after training before they go cold.

3. Twitter has given me the scoop on the likely destinations of many players. By simply looking at their “following” list and seeing who they have recently followed I can determine who is going where. I have found out the future clubs of the following players:
Cameron Giles to Port Adelaide, Richmond or Geelong – followed Jacob Surjan and Jared Polec (Port Adelaide), Trent Cotchin (Richmond) and Billie Smedts, Cam Guthrie, Tom Lonergan and Mark Blicavs (Geelong)
Aaron Christensen to Geelong – Joel Selwood recently followed him
Alex Spina to Richmond – followed Trent Cotchin,
James Tsitas to Collingwood, North Melbourne or Brisbane – recently followed Nathan Buckley, Cameron Delaney, Tom Rockliff and Sam Mayes
Dan McStay to GWS – recently followed Adam Tomlinson.
This is a foolproof method of predicting the draft and I expect it to catch on next year.

4. Lewis Taylor has been told he is too small and will be passed over to the rookie draft, becoming this year’s slider. Each year we have a slider, someone who is expected to go high and doesn’t. Lewis Taylor is only slightly taller than a garden gnome so it is predicted that clubs will pass on him until at least the rookie draft and will instead select rugby converts or Irishmen with the hope of turning rough diamonds into well… smooth diamonds.

5. This will be the first draft where each player is recruited from a football factory. To make it easier for commentators like Brian Taylor, clubs will be referred to as football factories. Geelong Falcons and Calder Cannons are no longer the only factories around as the Norwood Football Factory and the South Fremantle Football Factory will take over as the main football factories. Football factory!

6. Somebody will get an AFL phantom draft completely correct. This is the time of the year where the number of draft experts quadruples but nobody seems to pick each player and the club they will end up at correctly. This will change this year since the quality and depth of the draft is said to be so poor that it will be solely rookie upgrades from pick 49, making it easier to correctly place the draftees.

7. Draftees will be willing to go to Brisbane and stay there. The six guys who get picked up by the Lions won’t be faking smiles as they make their way up to sunny Queensland, they will genuinely be happy to be there and promise not to go home after two years.

8. Fremantle will recruit Billy Hartung with the view of turning him into a centre half forward to replace Matthew Pavlich. Hartung told the club he is willing to do anything to become an AFL player so Ross Lyon intends on turning him into a key position forward due to the club’s lack of key position players.

9. Tom Boyd will slide to GWS at pick 48. Boyd sliding will surprise clubs so much that they won’t pick him. Clubs have expected Boyd to go number one so they will not have even looked up Boyd’s player registration number and will be unable to select him, leaving the Giants able to pounce at their last live pick.

10. North Melbourne will again pass on Dayle Garlett. After being let down with Cruize, the entire North Melbourne recruiting team went to the confessional booth and vowed to never take another Garlett. Father Brayshaw said three Hail Marys should do the trick.